0:05

We were all staring at the plant. Me, my boss and her boss, three adults with salaries, degrees, calendars that were supposedly full standing in a small office pretending wherever that plant was gonna go, really was gonna change the course of this company. We rotated around the room together, not. Dramatically, but like, you know, slowly like museum patrons circling exhibit, we didn't understand, but you don't wanna feel stupid and, and rush through it. We stood at different points, arm crossed, hands on chin. We looked kinda like the Ferris viewer trio. We. Weight shifted from one foot to the other. My boss kept pushing her hair back to make sure it was completely out of her face, even though it, it was her boss did the same thing, but with more authority. I picked that, my scraggly patchy beard with near incompetence. I. The plant was tall, leafy. It was one of those plants that is clearly there for the pop of color, a real morale booster, a real I drink water on purpose, kind of plant, a real plant that reminds you to stay hydrated. No one said anything for a long time. I finally said it looks better over there, and pointed to a spot near the window. I just said it like a man ordering coffee over there. My boss's boss, replied, finally, a guy with an opinion. She did irreparable damage to the world. With that comment, we all went quiet. The air shifted just enough that you knew something had happened. I think my shoulders went back a little. I had been noticed by. An authority figure. A pretty authority figure. My authority figure. The plant eventually got moved by some lowly other staff member to the spot I had pointed at it. It stayed in that spot the entire time I worked there. It was hands down the best spot for that plant. The plant should have been there for all eternity. The plant was thriving. The plant unlike us, had purpose because like most things, I was right. I found this plant the other day. Wait till you learn where it is now. But that comment stuck. Finally, a guy with an opinion, suddenly I was different. I was groovy, I was opinionated. I had crossed some threshold. I had spoken, declared I could choose. Oh boy, do I have opinions now? Much like myself. They arrive uninvited, sit down immediately. They don't introduce themselves. What's the point? At some point they take off their shoes and make themselves at home. They grab a train like they've been there all the time. How do they know where my liquor cabinet was? I'm passionate about nearly none of these opinions. They're mostly opinions I just borrowed and forgot to return. Some are half form thoughts. Were in confidence as a disguise. Some are vibes that have hardened over time. Um, and I've decided, you know, I kind of want them to stick around. My English teacher told me to never use passive voice, so I don't. The lack of passive words make the opinions come out as fully articulated, planned preconceived notions. They are thoughts with way too much confidence, but people keep asking for'em. What do you think? What's your take? Where do you land on this? I don't land. I plop down. I crush whatever is below me, which brings me to the ping pong debate. My friend and I are sitting in the living room. I like to share a bottle of wine and brainstorm solutions to the world's biggest issues. Someone has to do it. It isn't easy work, but it's honest. Someone has to do it. Start with something like taxes. Yeah, eat the rich, whatever. Then supply chains. Please stop calling me a nationalist. The incentives. Stop calling that a handout. I'm then suddenly I'm apparently defending a position I didn't know I held. This happens to me a lot. I'll say something like, well, I think nuance matters. And suddenly I'm on trial. He says, so you're basically saying the free market fixes everything. Yes. Except the things that need regulation. Well, that's contradictory. Well, yeah.'cause things are contradictory. This does not help. I don't know. I don't manage economies. I literally read like two articles from an economist and formed my opinion. If I really think about it, I have no idea where these opinions come from. Some of them might not even be mine. They probably belong to some Uber driver I've written. Here's the truth, my thoughts. They don't line up in a straight line. They wander. They like to pick up the tidbits of lint from nearby jackets. They double back'cause they forgot their wallet. Sometimes they contradict each other'cause they were formed on different days by different versions of me. Versions who blood sugar hadn't dropped yet. Versions who were drunk on the love of a very politically charged individual. Apparently this is unacceptable. People want you to pick a lane. They want a sticker to put on the back of your car. They want to put me in a little old box, and I'm a big old guy. They want something they can summarize to someone else later, oh yeah, Austin, he's a liberatarian. I don't wanna be that guy. I wanna be mysterious, confusing. I kind of enjoy people coming back for more just to see if I'll contradict myself again, which I will immediately the debate. The debate ends the way. These always do the pot of wine empties, and we start to lose the ability to stay coherent on complex matters. Politicians will figure it out for us somehow. They always do a great job. We change the subject. We move the debate to movies, and believe it or not, I still have very, very strong opinions on every movie. Do you like it? No, not at all. I thought it was dreadful. How did you possibly think that character development lacked this frustrates people. Mainly because I don't really know what that means. What is this developed character? No idea. But it felt really good to say, and they don't know enough to rebut it, so I went by default. Now that I won the debate, they're mad at me and remember They asked me what I thought they wanted my opinion. If I don't have an opinion, then I'm a traitor. It's almost like. Like silence is a failure. Like neutrality is laziness, like uncertainty is some kind of underdeveloped flaw. Like not knowing is a sin itself. Sometimes I just wanna look at a plant and not be brave about it. I don't wanna be the guy with the opinion. I don't wanna be the guy standing there too long thinking and saying something wildly unhelpful like I don't know, up to y'all and then leaving anyway, every single person of, and I'm leaving anyway. Every single person involved in that great leafy pop of color plant debate no longer worked there a year later. Corporate turn. Corporate turnover moves faster than the seasons. I went back by the other day, the plant was still there. Same spot, same confidence, same dominance. The spot I picked, it was perfect. A year later, the company moved to a bigger address. They were very successful. The plant vanished with the company. I assumed it retired to Nature com comfortably. A few days ago, I stumbled into the new store of that company and believed it or not, I don't really care. There was the beautiful leafy tree-like plant, providing a massive pop of color. I looked at it for a while and I thought I was instantly reminded of how I picked such a beautiful place for it all those years ago and walked through the journey It must have had to get here. I looked at it for a while and thought how fruitless that debate was. Get it fruitless like the pseudo tree. Anyways. They place the tree in a terrible spot in the new store. Flip a coin. It'll be heads